Self-forgiveness offers profound benefits for both mental and emotional well-being.
By letting go of resentment and negative emotions towards ourselves, we experience reduced stress and anxiety levels which contribute to overall better health. Embracing forgiveness fosters inner peace and enhances relationships, promoting empathy and understanding. It allows individuals to move forward from painful experiences, leaving them with more resilience and emotional maturity. Additionally, embracing forgiveness aids personal development by releasing the weight of grudges, paving the way for a positive outlook and happiness in our own lives. The majority of us KNOW THIS. So why is it so difficult?
Self-forgiveness becomes significantly more challenging when grappling with a mental illness.
An invisible illness can deeply affect one’s sense of self-worth. Mental health struggles, more often than not, amplify feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy, making it difficult to extend forgiveness to oneself. The internal turmoil and negative self-perception that accompany conditions like depression or anxiety can also create barriers to accepting forgiveness, as we may believe we are unworthy of compassion or redemption. Why wouldn’t we think that, if we spend the majority of our lives feeling ashamed of ourselves?
Persistent negative thoughts and emotional instability can cloud judgment and hinder the ability to see situations clearly, perpetuating a cycle of self-blame and an inability to forgive ourselves. Overcoming these challenges often requires addressing underlying mental health issues through therapy, self-care practices, proper psychiatric care, and cultivating a compassionate mindset toward oneself.
Again… NOT easy.
Often, we can be our harshest critics, holding onto past mistakes or shortcomings long after others have forgiven us.
Self-forgiveness allows us to let go of guilt and shame, freeing up mental and emotional energy for more positive things. To begin forgiving ourselves, it’s essential to practice self-compassion by treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer to a friend or family member. This involves acknowledging our mistakes without dwelling on them excessively, recognizing that everyone is imperfect, and learning from our experiences.
Every mistake holds a valuable lesson if we are willing to accept we’ve made one, make the necessary changes, and learn from it.
Reflecting on past actions allows us to gain perspective and make progress. Seeking guidance from trusted individuals, be it friends, family, or a therapist, can offer valuable insights and support in the journey toward self-forgiveness. Ultimately, the responsibility to heal and embrace our true selves is our own. No one can do that for us. Our friends and family can support us, they can even show us how “not” to be, but the work that needs to be done belongs to no one but ourselves, and I will be the first to admit that addressing it, seems like a daunting task and can be overwhelming at times.
Personally, I make a concerted effort to maintain a positive self-image.
Acknowledging that unaddressed issues within me can lead to major challenges, has become key. Dealing with social anxiety disorder has taught me the importance of letting go of toxic influences, even if they mean well. Sometimes, people try to help by offering advice, but it’s not feasible for me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that I “just have to push through.” The second I hear someone telling me to disregard my own pain is the second I start to let go. That is a red flag for me because one of the most important things I’ve learned on my journey with mental health is that we NEVER tell someone how to feel. It’s dismissive and frankly, it’s pretty insulting.
Understanding that certain situations can trigger panic attacks has helped me accept and adapt to my needs. Surrounding myself with understanding individuals who value my well-being has been crucial for my growth. It took time to realize my worth and prioritize my needs, but I can do it now. Most of the time, I can do it without feeling bad that I have “needs” to begin with. That was always where I’d get tripped up. While I don’t resent those who don’t grasp my situation, I am finally capable of distancing myself from people who hinder my progress, especially if they are not open to the idea of “seeking to understand”. I will forever believe that “seeking to understand” would solve 99% of the world’s problems.
We must always try to fill our cups with positivity and gratitude, even when we have to work harder to find it.
It’s not easy, but if we neglect to counteract the darkness we sometimes find ourselves in, we are granting it the ability to suffocate us, and it will. Life is never going to be perfect, and every day can’t be magical, but if we practice self-acceptance and STOP KICKING OURSELVES, we will eventually believe ourselves worthy of forgiveness. In turn, we will then be able to forgive others. Shedding the chains of guilt is the first step. The guilt we feel for who we are, what we are, or how many struggles we KNOW we need to overcome, is powerful. But we don’t have to contribute to its power and many of us spend far too much time feeding it, whether we know it or not. How many times have YOU spent far too long kicking yourself for saying something “wrong”, or just plain stupid? It’s not the end of the world when someone else does it, so why then, do we relentlessly beat ourselves up for a small mistake?
So… When things start to feel heavy, take a breath and look for something to be grateful for. Do this EVERY DAY. Do this when you’re struggling, as well as when you’re not. If you look for the “glimmers of good”, even when you don’t feel like it, they will begin to find you in the moments you need them the most, effortlessly.
Remember you are loved, you matter, and the world is so much more colorful and interesting with YOU in it. Make today the day you put all of the things that you routinely beat yourself up for, on a shelf, and begin to deal with them one by one. Baby steps are more than fine, but treat yourself with love and respect while you embark on your journey to self-forgiveness.
You are worth the same amount of love you give to others…
